Where Is Your Energy Going? Understanding Hidden “Leaks” in the Nervous System
A few months ago, I moved into a new home. As often happens after a move, I began noticing things that hadn’t caught my attention before the purchase—small details like outdated light fixtures or a slightly uneven floorboard.
But one issue stood out. My house was freezing.
The weather had turned colder, but even with the thermostat set to a reasonable temperature, the HVAC system struggled to keep up. The heat ran constantly—twenty-four hours a day, for days on end. I started to worry that I had bought a fundamentally flawed home.
A few days later, some friends came to visit. They immediately noticed the cold. One of them asked, “Did you make sure the fireplace flue is closed?”
“I think so,” I replied.
It turned out I hadn’t. During the chimney inspection, the flue had been checked and left open. Most of the heat I was generating was escaping straight up the chimney. Once I closed it, the house quickly began to warm up. The energy leak had been plugged.
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Just as our homes can have energy leaks that make it difficult to maintain comfort and function, we—as human beings—can experience something similar.
These “leaks” can take many forms, but one common and often overlooked source is the impact of early-life stress.
When the body experiences stress, it is fundamentally registering that something—or someone—is not safe. This shifts the body-mind into a state of heightened alert. While this response is protective in the short term, it is metabolically expensive.
In moments of immediate danger, this energy expenditure is appropriate. It fuels our ability to fight, flee, or freeze. But when this state becomes chronic, it begins to create wear and tear on the body. Over time, a gap can emerge between the demands of daily life and the energy available to meet them.
In everyday terms, this can look like:
* Feeling exhausted after minimal social interaction
* Constantly anticipating the needs and emotions of others while neglecting your own
* Scanning your environment so intensely during conversations that you struggle to remember what was said
Many people notice these patterns becoming more pronounced with age—particularly during perimenopause and menopause.
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At this point, many seek medical answers.
Is it anemia?
A thyroid issue?
Sleep apnea?
Depression or anxiety?
Sometimes, these diagnoses are present, and treating them helps. But often, even when these conditions are addressed, the fatigue and overwhelm persist.
That’s because another factor may be at play:
A chronically overactivated stress response.
In many cases, the nervous system has adapted—often over decades—to operate at a higher baseline level of activation. It’s as if the system’s “set point” for safety has shifted. And like an open flue in a house, this creates a continuous drain on energy.
In an effort to maintain some sense of stability, people may begin to limit their lives—socially, professionally, even creatively. This pattern, shaped over many years, can lead to frustration and a painful sense of distance between what one longs to do and what feels tolerable.
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People are often encouraged to pursue counseling, relaxation practices, or nutritional support. These can be helpful—and sometimes profoundly so.
But for some, these approaches don’t fully resolve the issue. Why?
Because the nervous system patterns themselves were formed in the context of early relationships. And meaningful change often requires approaches that are not just cognitive, but relational and embodied.
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This is where somatic, body-based therapies come in.
Recently, I have begun incorporating a modality called Transforming Touch™ into my practice. Developed by psychologist Dr. Stephen Terrell, this is a gentle, light-touch therapy performed while fully clothed. It combines intentional touch with an attuned therapeutic presence to support the nervous system in experiencing safety.
Rather than “pushing through” stress, this approach helps the body learn—gradually and directly—that it is safe to settle.
Over time, many individuals find they can remain more regulated during stress and expand their window of tolerance. As the nervous system no longer needs to operate in a constant state of alert, energy becomes available again.
It’s as if the flue has been closed.
Energy that was once lost to chronic activation can now be redirected—toward connection, creativity, purpose, and joy. Experiences that once felt overwhelming may begin to feel possible.
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It is deeply meaningful to witness people rediscover this sense of capacity within themselves.
If you’re curious to learn more about Transforming Touch (TT), you can schedule a session here.
Yours in health,
Dr. Nicole🌿
